^^’

Didn’t think about it till just now, but I’ve been home and on the internet all day… which means I could have written on here.

But I didn’t think about it till my lovely Brazilian wifey mentioned my blog just now. I was like “I have a blog?” Hahah, just kidding, but seriously I was like “Oh yeah… that thing.”

That’s kinda depressing. I had lots of high hopes for this blog. But hope alone doesn’t get you anywhere. I’m definitely gonna write once I get back home, but the problem is, I won’t remember the nitty gritty stuff. It won’t be fresh. And I haven’t journaled in like 2 months…

>.> This is really frustrating. Surely there has to be a balance between all this? The problem is, when I write, it usually takes me a good 2 hours to complete a whole post. Who has that kind of time? I certainly don’t. I tried breaking them up, but without the constant flow of thoughts, I can’t really say much.

Like now. I’m not really saying anything worth saying. Hahaha…. ^^’
Okay, well, anyways, blogs are interesting things. I write in here in my head all day long, but the actual action never really happens. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could record my thoughts? Wishful thinking…

Today is May 23rd. Elizabeth, the leader of the YEP, left today. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her either. I went to her party but she was over 2 hours late and I was really sick, so I just went home. It’s okay though, we weren’t that close.

Out of my friends, Ju is next (I think). No, wait, the 3rd of June is Mia and Linda. That’s really early… I like Mia but we’re not too close either. Linda’s sweet, but again distant. Mia is from NY (Syracuse, I’m def gonna be seeing here again on account of her being like 1.5 hours away from me) and Linda is from Germany.

Ju is on the 6th of June. God… I dread this day. Out of all the YEP, Ju is one of the ones I’m closest too. >.> Actually, I kinda don’t wanna talk to much in detail about it cause she reads my blog and I don’t want her to read all these mushy thoughts… they’re kinda private (read: embarrassing), lol! (“Josie! Then why are you writing them on a public place on the internet?” you say? Well, I like the internet. It’s okay if strangers and family and friends read stuff, but some stuff family and friends can’t really know about. That’s why I have two blogs…)

Anyways,  no one but some internet friends and some friends read this, so it’s okay. But still, if there’s a chance Ju will read this, then I don’t want to say it here. Cause I’ll look stupid. ^^ And nobody wants that.

Why did I bother to write all this nonsense? Dunno. Sometimes you just gotta say some stuff, even if that stuff is useless.

Sorry about this. Maybe next time will be more interesting….. (?)

I actually feel bad for the people who do read this, cause this is pretty bad quality blogging right here. But, one of the things I’m learning from being on this exchange (albeit struggling with) is the fact that somethings you just need to do for yourself. While, like everyone else, I want my blog read by lots of people and my thoughts heard and my point of view understand and whatever whatever, I also need to just say what I need to say, even if no one reads it.

I’m an avid blog reader, and there are a couple blogs I really admire, written by people with qualities I aspire to have (after all, isn’t life about chasing that ideal of what you wanna be? >.> That’s a topic for another time…). I think: Oh! Man, if only I could write like that! If only I could think like that/see things like that/reach people like that! Then I look at my blog and am like “Well.. I’m trying.”

But it’s not just about what you want. This blog serves a certain purpose for me. Regardless of what I want to write, what gets written here gets written according to what I need to write, you know? It’s one of those moments when you surrender to something greater than yourself as you know you (cause, after all, I believe there are many “selves.” The self I’m talking about it the self you see yourself as). It’s uncomfortable, especially when you’re used to controlling (or trying to control) everything around you. But, in the end, you just surrender and move on and accept anything that comes thereafter.

There’s always the future to do that stuff [the stuff you plan to do but have to put aside] in (actually, that’s not a very good way of viewing things because the future is promised to no one and it’s far better to live in the now, but for now it will suffice).

See you around. ^^ I got a couple of pictures to draw for two people’s bday tom.

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